READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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