I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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