I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
