Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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