I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
