My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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