his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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