I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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