I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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