I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
