Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
