I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
