I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
