Porn is love you can see.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
