just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
