Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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