i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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