If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
