He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
