Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
