she woke up with a sticky ear
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize