I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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