i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
