Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Someone came in the potted fern
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
