just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
