somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
