Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
