He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
