Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wear drunk well.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
