Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
