It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
