When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
