you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
