I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
