Moan for me like Helen Keller
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
