Can i not drive my cunt home
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
