I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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