I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
