too bad you live with your parents still
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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