I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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