I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
