I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My breasts were aching with rage.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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