I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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