Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
