in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to make a zoo with you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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