P.S. I can't hear my feet
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
