I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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