i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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