the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
