I am puke
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
