thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
