I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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