I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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