she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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