Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
