well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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