I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
