i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
