Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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