3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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