I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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