That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
