if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
