I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
