tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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