Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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