8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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