I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
