Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
soo... how was my night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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