So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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