after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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