True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
