i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
