Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
