he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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