My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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