dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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