I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
