walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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